Fuller House was just released on Netflix and it was as bad as anyone could have hoped for. It’s a good thing it’s bad though. The original series was bad. If this reboot was good, that would be bad. Full House is not supposed to be good. And trust me, Fuller House is not good, which is great.
But there a lot of other “good because they’re bad” 90’s TV shows out there. We need reboots for all of them. Here are some ideas if you’re listening Netflix.
Will’s privileged and douchey son Jaden, has spent his whole life in the comfort of Southern California. He’s grown up to be more like his uncle Carlton rather than his dad. When Jaden turns sixteen, Will sends him to live with his extended family in the mean streets of West Philadelphia.
Black Families Matter
Steve Urkel, now a successful scientist, works for the astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, hilariously playing himself. Steve is enjoying adulthood but his whole life is thrown into disarray when a black cop and his family move next door. Their teenage son immediately takes a liking to Steve but the feeling is not mutual.
The kid forces Steve into all sorts of crazy hi-jinks he doesn’t want to be involved in. But maybe this kid will have a positive impact on Mr. Urkel? Also the black cop’s white partner shot an unarmed black kid because Family Matters was always so good at tackling racial issues.
Saved by the Bell Again
After college, Zach Morris hits it big on Wall Street, until he doesn’t. In the 2008 crash, Zach loses his job, his marriage, and all his fancy new friends. Divorced and unemployed, and responsible for two kids, Zach has no choice but to move back to Bayside. His old pal Samuel “Screech” Powers is now Principal Powers and offers Zach a job teaching history at his alma mater.
What Zach doesn’t know is that former friend A.C. Slater is the athletic director at Bayside. Slater is still married to Zach’s former best friend, Jessie and both Slater and Jessie still resent Zach for going full “preppy” and ditching them. Can he win them back?
Extreme Home Improvement
Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor is confused by all the new technology in the world today. To really complete a “home improvement” these days though, you need to modernize the house with networking and dozens of connected devices. Good thing for Tim, his youngest son Mark is an IT wizard. They make for a perfect pair on a new iteration of Tool Time. The show’s a hit but its producer, Al Borland, would like Tim to cut back on the jokes. Tim’s middle son Randy is not on the show because fuck Jonathan Taylor Thomas. That’s what you get for leaving the show early.
Step by Step by Step
20 years after the end of Step by Step, Frank Lambert’s dimwitted nephew Cody, who used to live in the family’s driveway, is forced to move back and once again take residence in a van in the family’s driveway after an ugly divorce. Frank’s stepdaughter, Dana, also moves back to the family home after a divorce.
Cody and Dana reconnect, fall in love, and get married, which is technically legal because they’re not actually related. It’s still weird but no one brings it up. Also, they each have kids from their previous marriage and they all live in the van. The whole cast returns because what else are those people up to? Has anyone from that show even had an acting job since its cancellation?