Congratulations Broncos!

As most of us saw last weekend, the Denver Broncos pulled off the upset over the Panthers and are the 2016 Super Bowl Champions. I’m sure the people of Denver are happy but the fans of the other 32 teams aren’t. Fuck the Broncos, right? There’s so many reason not to cheer for them.

Peyton Manning is Practically Dead

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Quarterback is the most important position in sports. The Broncos just won a Super Bowl with a dead guy playing it. Manning finished the game 13/23 for 141 yards with an interception and two fumbles. Trent Dilfer threw a touchdown pass and didn’t commit one turnover in Super Bowl XXXV and he’s considered the worst QB to win a Super Bowl. It’s not just that Manning shouldn’t still be playing and is undeserving of  championship. There’s so much more wrong with this guy.

He swears he didn’t take HGH while recovering from neck surgery. But look at his forehead. He’s been taking HGH his whole life. That’s the only explanation. And what’s with all the Papa John’s commercials? It’s the shittiest of all the shitty pizzas (not counting Little Caesar’s of course). And Papa John himself is a douche. Why does he put himself in his own commercials? You don’t see Fred Domino or Benjamin Hut appearing in their pizza company’s commercials, do you? I hope Papa and Peyton drown in their Budweisers.

John Elway is an Awful Person

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Don’t forget how much of an ass John Elway. Before he was drafted in 1983, this horse-teethed motherfucker told the Colts not to draft him or he’ll go play baseball. That’s not how it works asshole. The Colts earned that #1 pick by sucking and they should be able to take the #1 prospect so hopefully they don’t keep sucking. That’s how it works. I hate all athletes that decide where they’re going to play. In my opinion, Elway, Kobe, and Eli Manning should have suffered the same fate as Jenrry Mejia.

This Shit Right Here

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Aquib Talib is a good corner, but he’s a terrible human. This is just one piece of evidence. In 2008, Talib got in a fight at the rookie symposium. In 2009, he hit a taxi driver and then resisted arrest by the Florida Highway Patrol. In 2011, he was charged with firing a gun at his sister’s boyfriend but the charges were dropped. All these incidents forced the Bucs to dump Talib on the Patriots, who don’t even care if their players are murderers. After a couple good years in New England, Denver ignored his past and gave him a huge deal and now he’s helped them win a Super Bowl. Congratulations Denver!

The Owner’s Wife is a Nightmare

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No, that’s not actually a picture of her. That’s from the Movie Brazil, but it’s pretty close to what she looks like. She spends so much time at her plastic surgeon’s office that she didn’t even know what team she owned. She had to read it off a card during the trophy presentation. Really embarrassing moment for the Broncos.

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