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Stop Making Dumb New Years Resolutions

This is the time of year when people come out of the potato chip bag and get back into the gym. The reason being, it’s their New Years resolution to lose those love handles, they want to get back into their letterman’s jacket, their doctor said to lower their cholesterol. Well, you’re an idiot. Making a New Years resolution to lose weight benefits nobody but the companies that sell you the gym membership, the juice cleanse garbage, and so on.

According to Forbes, roughly 8 percent of people finish their resolutions. Pretty high number right? Why is that? Well, for starters, people are very narcissistic. They believe they can do anything, like lose 30 pounds in two weeks. Unless you’re Nicole Richie a few years ago and spending too much time in the bathroom, I’d say that’s unlikely. After they fail to see a noticeable improvement, they simply call it off. “I’ll wait until next year, that will be my year.” No it won’t!

Ask yourself this, why do you need to wait until a new year to start a new you? After all, everyday is a new day, I’m not trying to sound like Joel Osteen, but it’s true. You can change yourself at anytime. You are just lazy. We aren’t knocking all resolutions, some are actually easy to complete and don’t take as much time as you’d think. Try one of these, learning a new language,  creating some kind of art, volunteering at a shelter either animal or people, cleaning up your garage. These are just a handful of suggestions.

Is losing weight not your deal? Not every resolution involves losing fat, however, in the United States, roughly 74 percent of Americans are obese or overweight. Calm down fatty… that’s the same kind of stat they use to call you an alcoholic by having more than one drink a week. Nevertheless, the nation is fat… Anyways, some of you plan to save some dough next year. Not a bad idea, we always condone trying to save a little cash. You guys, not so bad, but again, why do you need a new year, to turn a new leaf?

Let’s not forget to be thankful for what you have already, what you accomplished this year. Try and take a minute out of your day, every day, to appreciate what you already have, what you have accomplished that day, that week, that month… I don’t want to turn this entire article into a bash on resolutions… It’s just the common one is the gym, and that’s fueled by your love for Pillsbury products. Each year, your life alters, hopefully for the better…. Sometimes for the worse. The thing to take away from every day, is what have you learned, how have you improved?

What should you mainly take away from this rant? You don’t need a new calendar year to change your life. Mostly what chaps my ass about these resolutions is you fatties clog (pardon the pun) the gym until about mid February. Happy New Year!

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