Tinderella – Swiping To Mr. Right, Now

Ladies and gents the diplomas have rolled in, the alimony checks have been cashed, and summer is around the corner. Hold onto your pants because this weeks Tinderfellas may just blow them off…

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  • If your idea of a good time is fishing French fries out of his beard then this is the man for you! His favorite hobbies include watching you while you sleep, mouth breathing, and saving the world from his living room (Call of Duty)…

 

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  • I’m going to need an age check on aisle two. This bachelor claims to be 32 but his social security speaks otherwise. He swears to love you more than the green card he bought out of an Astrovan in San Diego.

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  • Gotta love a man that is upfront and throws all his baggage on you at once! At least we know he isn’t shooting blanks…

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  • Bachelor number four promises not to use his lazy chameleon eye to look at you and your boobs at the same time.


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  • Although Alex smells of cheap whiskey and regret… He swears by the phrase “if you can’t love me at my Kurt Cobain, you don’t deserve me at my David Grohl”

Tinder fail

  • Straight out of Düsseldorf, bachelor number six left a promising career as a Hitler museum curator to pursue his passion as a Sons of Anarchy extra.

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  • Is that Bruce Jenner going through transition? Bachelor number 7 will stroke your pussy cat all day but has to warn you that he cannot step foot within 100 yards of an elementary school.

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  • Step aside shows of Sunset, there’s a new bachelor in town. He is prepared to take you to the best Shawarma that West Hollywood has to offer and promises to Instagram the entire date *selfie stick included*

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  • Your moderately priced disassembled dreams just came true with bachelor number 9. Shayan’s ideal date is to play house in Ikea and smell your hair.

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  • And last but certainly not desperate, we bring to you bachelor number 10. Daniel rounds out our countdown by releasing his last single fuck.

Thank you for tuning in for another installment of Tinderella! Now is the time that we swipe left and sob profusely into a Mai tai. As for you guys, check out The Tinder Bible… it will make a world of difference and keep you off Tinderella!

 

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